Starting Over

The past few years have been pretty rough for me. I had a wife who didn't want anything to do with me and wouldn't talk to me and tell me why. I thought that if I could lose weight it may change her attitude toward me.

We had done Weight Watchers together years ago with great success, but each time she became upset when I started losing faster than she was (I followed the plan more closely) and tried to make me feel guilty about it. When she saw that I was still staying on track and losing (I lost about 80 lbs that time), she started accusing me of only going to Weight Watchers to look at the leader. Not wanting to cause any further stress in our marriage, I quit going even though the accusation was absurd.

I tried to follow the plan on my own, but soon my weight started creeping back up. After we got a new Weight Watchers leader in our area, we tried again a couple of times, but not for as long and without as good of results.

My weight got completely out of control and I had a very physical job where I would stand for 12 hours a day 5-7 days a week, lifting and carrying heavy loads. The combination of my weight and job caused such great pain in my feet that I got to the point of barely being able to walk.

I went on short-term disability while getting treatment for the pain, but my weight kept going up. I became depressed from not being able to work and being stuck at home with someone who made it clear that she hated me. She had even quit going to church with me and started going to another one. I begged her to go to counseling with me and she finally agreed, but only if it was with her pastor.

My doctor had given me a prescription for a mild mood stabilizer to take the edge off my depression, but once I was working again I quit taking it because it was no longer necessary. In our counseling sessions, my wife played me up to be some sort of deranged lunatic who was "off his meds." She even complained about it to her mother so much that she paid to have my prescription filled and brought it to me. She handed me the bottle, ordered me to take them, and told me that I needed them. I thanked her and put the bottle next to my alarm clock so I couldn't forget to take them each morning.

After a couple of weeks, in one of our counseling sessions my wife was going on and on about how wonderful things were now that I was back on my meds and how much easier I was to get along with. Her pastor was so happy for us and they both told me what a good thing it was and how it was nothing to be ashamed of for needing the pills to keep my mood stable. When they had finished gushing about it, I revealed that I had never even opened the bottle and suggested that maybe the problem wasn't my moods, but her perception.

That didn't help things at home, but at least I no longer had to deal with hearing her tell people I was off my meds. She also refused to go to counseling anymore and when I tried to talk her into it she snapped at me and said, "Hey, you're the one who wants this to work."

Time crawled on as my weight crept up and she got more bitter toward me each day. I tried everything I could think of to soften her view of me, but nothing worked. I finally started thinking that maybe she would be attracted to me again if I lost weight, so I joined Weight Watchers again for the 3rd or 4th time. It was encouraging to me when she joined too.

I went full out on the nutrition part of the plan as I had done the first time, but this time I added exercise and attacked it with the same zeal. She worked the nutrition part of the plan part time and spent most of her free time sitting in her recliner watching TV or sleeping. The results spoke for themselves and she became even more resentful.

It slowly started to dawn on my that it wouldn't matter if I got down to 170 or up to 710 because she was never going to be attracted to me again. I changed my focus from attracting her to trying to be healthy and feel better about myself. The more weight I lost, the more bitter and hateful she became.

Eventually I started getting compliments from other women. While I should have been happy that people were noticing my efforts, it actually scared me. Although I was married to someone who made me feel totally worthless, I was married nonetheless. I became afraid that eventually someone would come along who would be interested in more than just paying a compliment and that I may not be strong enough to resist temptation.

I promptly quit Weight Watchers and exercising and purposefully started eating everything I could get my hands on - the more fattening the better. My weight quickly soared back above 300 and the compliments stopped. I spent countless hours sitting in my room stuffing my face and praying that God would just let me go ahead and die if this was the way the rest of my life was going to be.

I started getting calls at work in the middle of the night from my son, who was 10 at the time. He would wake up and find that he was home alone and his mom wouldn't answer her phone. I would call my daughter (actually step-daughter, but I've had her since she was 4 and am her daddy) and she would go over to the house and stay with him or take him to her apartment. I would ask my wife where she had been and she made it clear that it was none of my business.

Her late night disappearances became more frequent and even started happening on the nights I was off work. I finally activated one of my old phones and downloaded a tracking app on it, then left it in the car. The next time she went out, my suspicions were confirmed. She had been going out to see my step-daughter's biological father. It turned out that I was just a paycheck while he was in prison.

I filed for divorce and on March 1, 2017 it became final. I was awarded custody of our son and my step-daughter (who still calls me daddy and calls her biological father by his name) moved back in to help take care of her brother. Loverboy is back in prison on multiple felonies and will be there for a long time.

I walked out of that courthouse feeling like a new man, but then it dawned on me that I was having to start over at 47 years old. As I pondered how to even begin, I realized that the next day was Thursday, the day Weight Watchers meets in my area.

I got there early and rejoined for what I intend to be the last time. It has been a year now and I haven't let up since.

I started out on March 2, 2017 at 324.6 lbs and have achieved several goals since then:

    3/30/17 - 5%

    4/27/17 - Down 25 lbs and below 300 lbs

    5/18/17 - 10%

    7/6/17 - Down 50 lbs

    9/21/17 - Down 100 lbs

    1/11/18 - My BMI went from the obese range to the overweight range

As of this week's weigh-in, I am down 120.4 lbs so my next two goals should be coming up in a week or two when I will be down 125 lbs and in Onederland. After that, my final four goals will be to get my BMI into the normal range, reach my goal weight of 182, achieve lifetime, and most importantly, maintain it for the rest of my life while using what I've learned on this journey to help others along the way.

While the weight loss and better health are great, the best result I have gotten from this journey so far is that I have been getting reacquainted with the real me that has been locked away inside this shell for so many years. The negativity has been melting away and I have a renewed optimism for my future. My faith has grown stronger and I know that God isn't finished with me yet, so I shouldn't be either.

I am so thankful that He has blessed my efforts on this journey. I am also grateful for the tools Weight Watchers provides to help along the way, the support provided by the Connect community and my meeting group, and the Whys Advice podcast for helping me to stay focused.